Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
