pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
