Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
