my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
