Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
