Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize