She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
