I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
