There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
