I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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