I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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