i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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