Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
