i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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