There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
