She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
