I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
