She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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