I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
