I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
