I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
