in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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