Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
