a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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