I like my sex mixed with concussions.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize