My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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