she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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