I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
