I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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