dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
