At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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