I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize