dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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