I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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