You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
