you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
