Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
another moral hangover. fuck.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
