I wannas sexs uuuuu
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
