Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
