I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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