i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
