shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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