My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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