life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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