Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
