I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
