I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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