Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
