I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
