Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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