even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
