My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
