her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize