I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
