When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
