I skipped work to stalk him.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
