smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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