I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
