Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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