bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
