they need to just BURY HIM!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize