i just had sex bonerless
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
