May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
