Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
