My first STD was from a foam party
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
