Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
