I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
