the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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