what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize