If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My liver just had a heart attack.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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