Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
