So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
