So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
