My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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