But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
