I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
