She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
