I wanna bring you to show and tell
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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