words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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