How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
