Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
