I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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