i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
