Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
