When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
