I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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