I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
