I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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