I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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