you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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