apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
