she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
