My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize