put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
