wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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