my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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