from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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