Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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