Don't you send me to vm
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
