I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
