the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
