Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize