I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
