You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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