GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize