Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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