I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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