I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
