Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
