I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
