i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
