Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
