they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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